Look at you!

The thing about being pregnant is that it’s so darn obvious. It feels like it should be a secret I can hold close and share only with those I trust most. And I guess, at first, it was like that. At first it was this precious thing I knew and kept from the world. But now, of course, it’s public information. Announced everywhere I go by my tummy.  I don’t like the word belly.

I can’t be put out or annoyed because it’s exactly what I do and have done to pregnant women. Because they’re carrying this miracle out in front of them and it bears exclamation – demands it – so that upon greeting it’s all anyone can see and comment on. Hands reach out and, although no one’s actually patted me yet without permission, they hover in deference, in recognition, in waiting perhaps for me to give permission (which I don’t).

I’ve done this too – my hands have hovered and I’ve exclaimed on bumps before saying hello to faces. Certainly I did it before and probably I’ll do it again. And I don’t resent people doing it to me as much as just feel quite bewildered by it because generally, in normal life, I like to choose when I step into the lime light. I tend to avoid talking about myself. I prefer to ask questions rather than answer them.

Probably the most gracious thing to do with the new attention is to smile, thank and bask. To indulge the questions, to elaborate. What I end up doing is blushing, squirming a little and deflecting or minimizing.

“Look at you!!!” is replied to be a sheepish “yup, he’s in there.” “Are you excited?” is followed by a nervous laugh and a hesitant “yes”. Not because I’m unsure about my excitement level but because it’s kind of a funny question. And because I’m not very good at demonstrating excitement. This bothers people, including my husband. I can’t help it.

I’m writing all this and I feel like an ungrateful brat because I know it’s all meant with the very best intentions and love. And I know I’ve done it and will do it again to other pregnant friends. And I don’t resent it. Really. And of course. OF COURSE. If it all stopped tomorrow and everyone stopped noticing and commenting and asking, I’d probably be equally bewildered as to why.

I’d probably be missing it.

***

Related funny story – a few months ago our very pregnant neighbor walked by with her dog. We waved and said hello. “Getting Bigger!” Jeremy called out. She laughed awkwardly and walked on murmuring something about having a few months to go. Jeremy called after her “I was talking about the dog”. I turned to him, confused…

 “Was that a joke?”

“What?”

“About the dog – or were you really commenting on the dog?”

“What do you mean? I was talking about the dog – he used to be tiny”

“I’m pretty sure the dog hasn’t changed size and I’m pretty certain she thought you were talking about her”

He hasn’t stopped squirming about this since.